You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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