my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
