I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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