He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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