ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
