Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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