Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
