Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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