proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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