Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
