sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
