You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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