Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
