guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
