trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Barsexuality is the new black.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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