Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
