I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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