i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
