I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
