How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
