Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
