At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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