Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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