Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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