I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
