Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Life is so much better after having sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
