the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
