Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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