i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
