Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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