I swear she didn't look like that last week.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
