My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
