i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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