Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
