She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Boobs speak an international language.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
