So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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