Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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