Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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