The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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