im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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