Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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