This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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