its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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