Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I want to have your abortion
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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