My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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