The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
