Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
