I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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