My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
