I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
