Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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