Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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