She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
